Spending time with them as they parent Eva has demonstrated what I already knew: parenting can feel all-consuming. Eva is often a delight, but even in these seasons, she’s a constant source of need. She must be kept from falling down a flight of stairs at grandma and grandpa’s, kept away from the dog who’s not friendly, only given small pieces of our garden fresh tomatoes. It all looks exhausting, but I can see a fullness to life that it brings.

“I didn’t realize how intense motherhood was going to be,” Kelly says. “After Eva stopped being colicky, I began to find the joy of seeing her grow and I’m enjoying it more now than ever.... just seeing her change a little bit every day and noticing new expressions and excitements.”

As I watched them navigate parenting, I realized how the pandemic led to both incredible isolation for young parents, but because of Elliot and Kelly’s intentionality to cultivate a rich family life, it’s also been a sweet time. There’s chaos and frustration but also amusement in the oddities of a baby transitioning into the toddler stage. Unreliable sleep is inevitable with a newborn, but without family support, it was a different picture for them. 

“We were in Canada when the border restrictions went up and couldn’t see people at all for many months,” Kelly says. “That was sad—I wanted to feel more supported and have family close by. Throughout most of human history, we’ve had many aunts and uncles and a whole tribe of family and extended family around us so it feels unnatural doing it alone. Because of Covid, I can’t take Eva to places she normally would have been able to go. Childcare places are closed and people are less open for play dates. She can’t even see people’s faces so it’s easy to be worried that she’s not getting enough interaction. Moving countries during Covid has also made it hard to have established relationships for her. I’m hoping to meet more parents who would be willing to do playdates though so that Eva is getting more social with other children and can interact. But there have been positive surprises about Elliot staying at home. I think it’s just wonderful that he can see Eva throughout the day, even a few minutes here and there. It’s made me feel a little more supported during this time.”

I’ve become much more attune to how impossible it is to parent well and be “all-in” at one’s career while spending time with Elliot and Kelly. And I see that this release is okay—in fact, it’s good. In many ways I look forward to this in my own life. The mad pace of demonstrating one’s accomplishments feels unsustainable for an emotionally and spiritually sound constitution. 

“If you really want to invest in your children, you do sacrifice part of your life for them,” Kelly says, “which is why there’s less parenting in our culture because people don’t want to sacrifice their lives. And in a way, because God has made us to sacrifice, I feel like it’s brought me more of a sense of self because our truest self is sacrificial. It’s been good for me to be less focused on my career and my contributions to the world, and slow down a bit, investing into this needy being.”

Beginning a remote job for IBM in 2020 as a Research Staff Member focusing on Artificial Intelligence, Elliot says, “I tend to have a sense of identity that’s individualistic and somewhat egotistical. But Eva helps me cultivate a sense of identity that's more others-focused and outward-oriented. I’ve learned that each person's true identity is collective and communal—not individualistic. I remind myself that I’m just a very small part of the world and of God’s creation and it’s really more about participating in what God is doing as opposed to contributing in a performance oriented way. It’s nice not to have the weight of everything on your shoulders. That paradoxically empowers you to be more effective and impactful if you don’t take yourself too seriously.”

It’s become clear to me that parenthood teaches lessons one could otherwise never fully embody. Elliot and Kelly came to surrender much of their accomplishment and personal success-driven mindsets, and found themselves healthier for it. 

By peering behind the curtain, the reality of young parenthood is revealed in its unromantic character. And yet, in a willingness to hear the heart behind their thoughts, lies empathy. Learning about disconnected parenting amidst Covid, views on vaccinations, and remote work, helped me cultivate greater understanding of the complexity of how Covid has targeted demographics differently. These photos bring an opportunity to visually listen to one little family’s journey and benefit from their life lessons.